When Rinn went to college three years ago I thought my world had come to an end. After all, I had spent the last 18 years waiting on and consumed by my only child. What was I to do now? Even with her 600 miles away, I just couldn’t cut the cord. I would sit and wait for her to text or call or email just to get me through a few more days. Finally one day she said to me, “You really have to stop being so obsessed with me!”  I was offended. Obsessed? What an ego. And I had created that ego.  I’ll show her. Wait until the next time she calls and needs me or something and I don’t answer the phone. Just you wait. And wait, I did. Days turned into weeks and I started thinking, ‘Huh, I hope she’s okay. Maybe she’s lost her phone. Maybe she’s sick. Maybe she’s been abducted and no one noticed her missing and she’s being held captive in the basement of some freak’s house hoping someone will notice and go for help.’ ….I told you I have these crazy thoughts in my head.

Well, finally the day came that she called. I was so strong. I didn’t answer the phone. So proud of myself. I decided to wait a few days until I called her back. But then I heard the voice mail. “Mommy, are you okay? You haven’t called me in so long. Are you mad at me? I really miss you.”  Ugh. I really felt bad. How immature of me to ignore my daughter. I was acting like a teenage girl.  I sat there feeling shame for being a terrible mother. Then I thought, “She probably just needs money, I’ll call her tomorrow.”

A quote came to mind some time later, Fake it ‘til you make it. So that became my mantra. I decided to lie to Rinn and let her think that her father and I really had a life without her.